Losing the Dichotomy: to be Selfish or Selfless

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This dichotomy of selfishness and selflessness has been floating around me for some time. It really started when I broke up with my last boyfriend. And he became enamored in Eastern philosophy, a series of teachings that I avoid. I wrote a blog post saying why I do not follow Eastern thought and he followed up with his reasons why he liked it.

Then as if on que, a friend of mine has repeatedly told me that he is selfless and that makes him happy. Which makes me in turn question whether or not he is implying that I am selfish and that being selfish is bad.

I think that there has been a lot of confusion about the way I use the word ‘selfish.’ By Dictionary definition, being selfish is the act of not caring or considering others, but caring only for yourself. Being selfless is the act of only considering or caring for others and not yourself.

Dictionary definitions imply that these two paths of being are, in their totality, are opposite. Two states of being, either total selfishness or selflessness, that cannot be completely attained by any human being. One’s life isn’t always about one or the other, there is a gray area between the two.

So I submit this to you, reader, my usage of the word. Being selfish is whatever helps the self. In my philosophy, experience and life makes the self better. I thrive on experience. Like blogging for example. Blogging is a personal experience that helps me become a better thinker and writer. Being selfish, within my context, isn’t about abandoning the care for others, but remembering your self. And to some people being selfless is the ultimate joy. But receiving this joy, logically, gives to the self and in the act of supposed selflessness, one is, in actuality, being selfish.

The main points against Eastern thought is that fact that one must lose the self in order to attain Nirvana. I say different. I get more joy by living life than I do sitting cross-legged and breathing. I see the same folly within Christianity as I do in Eastern thought. Getting closer to God is the equivalent to getting closer to Nirvana. Something’s gotta’ give.

On the topic of Eastern philosophy, the act of meditation is an act of and for the self. There is no complete separation from the self during life, death is the only separation. So might as well embrace the self and enjoy it while you can!

I am not saying that these are not good paths to follow, but for me they are to be avoided as philosophies to adopt, but only to learn about.

The Question Of Happiness

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My sister and I have been talking about me leaving Maine very recently, and she, too, wants something other than the life that she lives now. But she worries about our Mother who has cancer, she feels that she leaves or gets deployed in the National Guard that she is abandoning her responsibility towards her.

My Sister lives with our parents and takes care of our Mom. She was living there before our Mother got diagnosed with cancer.

I know this sounds cold, but no one asked to have cancer. We never planned on our Mother getting sick and I don’t think that we should stop making our dreams come true. I don’t think she’s being selfish, she been there for our Mother since day one.

Don’t get me wrong I think when any family member gets sick you should be there, but happiness shouldn’t have to go on the back burner either. It’s a decision that my Sister should make herself. If guilt is strong than she would stay, but if she really wants to go and tells Mum, than there is a possibility of her being happy.

My Sister texted me last night about putting my name on the application as someone who know her in High School. Of course, I am all for her going and I obliged. He text led me to this idea for this blog post. Should happiness be put on hold for someone?

I would have to say no because there is a chance that happiness may never come and you end being stuck. Then again, something may happen when my Sister is gone. But my Mother’s cancer is in remission, everything looks good right now. I say go for it.

Me in High School

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An old friend of mine decided to tag me in a photo of me when I was junior or at least I think that’s when it was taken.

I had really long hair back in the day! It’s kind of hard to imagine that was me but it is. What really puts things in perspective is that my clothing style hasn’t really changed. I almost always had to have bell bottoms and long sleeves, some things never change.

This reminds of the Peaches song, Back It Up, Boys.

I love you, Peaches, wherever you are.

If I could live anywhere in the world, it would have to be a bookstore

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I love bookstores. Any kind of bookstore. I eat, sleep, and live books. If I had to choose to live anywhere it would be a flat on top of my very own bookstore. That would be my dream. I could wake up ever day and go to work.

Actually, I have quite the routine down. Every morning I go for a mandatory walk. The bookstore would be somewhere warm so I could without freezing my ass off. Namely, a southern state.

And you know what, I found someone who wants the same thing as I do. Dreams can come true.

We have a lot in common, so much so that we end up thinking alike. And it’s very refreshing to get to know someone who has hopes and dreams and doesn’t want to sit and rot in Maine. Which is basically what we’re doing.

I’m ready to live, no more waiting.

I was a part of the online STRIKE!

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If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted a thing yesterday, the day before and so on is because I was on strike. SOPA is dangerous to the internet for a number of reasons. The bill, Stop Online Piracy Act, can block out a number of sites carrying any copyright infringement. Some may say that this could be a good thing but the way I see it is that information should be free.

I have a copyright badge on my blog because there is a possibility of someone taking my words and copying and pasting them on another blog and saying that they wrote it. This is a way for me to take care of my own stuff. But this bill is taking care of that for us and hindering the possibility of free information. Sites like Wikipedia, some blogs, Britannica, and various other sites can be blocked by search engines.

Stop SOPA!

Freedom is the Ideal

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As Satan is the highest ideal for Satanists, freedom is my ideal.

free·dom/ˈfrēdəm/

Noun:
  1. The power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.
  2. Absence of subjection to foreign domination or despotic government.

Germaine Greer once asked, “What more can women want?” Answering her own question she said, “Freedom, that’s what.” Freedom can be hard. Many things like laws, society, or even one’s own peers can hinder a person.

Recent events in my life before and after I came to this idea of writing about freedom have influenced me. What makes freedom so hard to come by? Does fear really have that much power over us?

The biggest reason why I have let fear control me is the way I was brought up. Once I moved out and began planning what to do in the future someone made me realize something about myself. I would make it harder for myself to complete or even get started with any of my lifetime goals. I would imagine the obstacles in my way preventing myself from going forth with what I wanted to do.

Sometimes freedom isn’t always being hindered by someone else as it is your own mind.

Eventually I got rid of this way of thinking. I moved out of bad situation ( I stopped loving the person I was with and I was worried that I might end up in a bigger commitment with that person when love was no longer keeping me in the relationship) and moved into my own place. I’ve seen a lot of my own family since I moved and noticed that they, too, have let fear in and hinder them from doing some of the things they wanted to do. The difference between some of my said family members and me is that I realized that fear lives in my head.

I wouldn’t go into too much detail about their fears and dreams, but I would go through mine. I let my job security have a huge hold on my happiness. I kept telling myself that I could never move out on my own because I was not hired, but a temp. I’ve let that control me so much so that I wouldn’t make my move. Now that I have, I think what of the best decision I’ve made.

My biggest dream is to go back to school, but I haven’t had enough money to take enough classes to show that I really do what to go to school. And so it’s a catch 22, again. So I’ve come up with two choices either get another job and work my way into school or don’t do anything at all. And since it’s my dream to start college, I can’t just throw away my dream.

What is a feminist film?

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I am getting a little tired of hearing that “Girl With a Dragon Tattoo” is a feminist book or movie. I must admit that’s within a person’s opinion, but I also think that someone who doesn’t understand what feminism is, can fall for nearly anything that Hollywood dishes out as ‘feminist.’

I have yet to see the movie or read the book, but I can’t help but see a trend. Both Dragon Tattoo and Breaking Dawn have been paraded around as feminist films or books simply because there is a badass female character.

Okay, just having a female character who has been raped or doesn’t know which guy to fuck doesn’t make a film feminist. Because feminism hasn’t been talked about enough it can be anything Hollywood says it is. We’re putting all the power to Hollywood to define what a feminist movie is.

I don’t think Bella Swan is a feminist character. I don’t even think that she is a good character. But that is beside the point. The point is how is it that feminism is being defined by Hollywood or ignorant authors and how can we eradicate the misinformation that clouds the truth?

We do that by clearly defining feminism is or what a feminist movie is. It is not feminist film when abuse is being normalized via Breaking Dawn. It is not a feminist film is not always about a girl who gets raped and then sodomises her rapist via The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. A feminist movie is a movie that not only has diverse characters but celebrates equality. A feminist movie has realistic female and male characters, meaning that they can and will make mistakes.

If you’re confused as to which film is or is not a feminist movie, here is the Bechdel Test Movie List. I have another link from Feministe on different feminist films.

In Other News

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I didn’t know that you could use religion as a means to discriminate. Apparently you can, in this New York Times article it details how the Supreme Court in Washington approved “ministerial exception.” That means that the Church can get away with hiring or firing based on things like race, sex, secular education, or in Ms. Perich’s case she was fired because of a disease, narcolepsy. Is religious freedom turning into religious rule?

It does scare me, how is it that religion can get away with this when normally any other organization can’t discriminate. By turning away a blind eye to ’internal church affairs’ is doing a disservice to the people who are fired for things other than religious affiliation.

Okay Supreme Court let’s accept that you took a large step back from the anti-discrimination laws, how are we going to fix this?

Vegetarian in Maine

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Jill, the founder of Feministe, wrote a piece about being a vegetarian in the midwest. Living in Maine, I have the similar experience when I go out with friends. I can never find a damn thing to eat anywhere I go.

I regret making the decision to be a vegetarian when someone decides to tell me that a this or that restaurant has salad available. And I hate salad.

I didn’t become a vegetarian to lose weight, I became a vegetarian because I don’t like eating meat. Places like Subway or Sebago Brewing Co. have the gardenburger or other vegetarian dishes, I like but other places like the fast food joints around Portland area don’t give that option. So you’d have to settle on two pieces of bread with lettuce as Jill gotten in her Midwest town.

It’s either that or having the dreaded salad, which I haven’t succumb to. Every time I’m with my parents they mention the salad option to me and I repeatedly say, “I hate salad.”

Don’t get me wrong, I like salad only when there is something fun in it, like tuna or fake crabmeat, and in some cases, I don’t get what I want. Plus salad isn’t as filling as a sub. So I ex out the whole salad option all together. I am more of a sandwich vegetarian anyway.